Many of us are out of touch with a significant, innate human mechanism: physical hunger. We eat out of boredom, sadness, pressure, confusion, because it’s there, to clean our plate, because we want to procrastinate, because we can’t deal with life, because our problems seem insurmountable; so it’s just easier to eat. The reasons we don’t eat out of true hunger are endless, especially for those of us that use food for emotional nourishment.

Many of us also rely on outside wisdom to gauge when we should eat. Someone says we should intermittent fast, that we need to eat 6 tiny meals throughout the day “to vroom vroom our metabolism”, others say three square meals without any snacks WHATSOEVER, others rely on shakes or magic potions or set-up, rigid meal plans. I don’t necessarily agree with any of those. What I do agree with, though, is listening to our bodies. Because they tell us. Yeah, we were actually born with this awesome barometer that kindly notifies us when we should eat. But frankly, most of us are far removed from it. Due to the media, others, books, TV, magazines, desperation, frustration, emotions, and DIETS. We’re lost when it comes to tuning in. The good news? It’s always ready for you to return.

One of the most important things you can do to have a healthy relationship with food is to truly listen and honor your hunger. This can happen in two ways. For one, actually recognize what this feels like in your body. Do you remember the last time you were actually physically hungry? If not, pay close attention. Rate it on a scale from 1-10. For one day, just try to let yourself get a little hungry. Be present with the experience of what this feels like. Do you feel your stomach grumbling? Is it screaming and gnawing at you? Do you feel a little nauseous and lightheaded? Are you yelling at everyone around you and acting like a totally-not-yourself hangry bitch? I know nothing about that. Do you tend to overeat when you let yourself get tooooooo hungry, so when you get home you need to munch on everything in your pantry before you actually sit down to have a meal, and at that point, your hunger is gone?

Our world is chaotic; life’s demands are endless and pesky. So I’m not diminishing the fact that it’s nearly impossible to stop for a second and actually be present with yourself. But listening is an urgent matter. It’s not totally impossible to take a two second pause, breathe in, and be with your body.

I think there’s a next step to this: actually eating enough when we feel hungry. I don’t know about you, but I’ll be real and say for A HUGE portion of my life I suppressed my hunger and pretended it didn’t exist. I ignored it and deemed myself a bad, unworthy, undisciplined person for wanting to eat, because of this biological thing that is part of my makeup as a human so I HAVE TO EAT. I shunned it and felt guilty and ashamed for wanting to eat. I was a self-proclaimed bottomless pit after not being full having 3 sad leaves of romaine or a yogurt. I remember going to sleep with a gnawing stomach, for being urged to “starve” and skip meals because it would make me a strong person. It has been difficult for me to shake those beliefs because I was raised with them, and they still creep up from time to time. For feeling like a hippopotamus with a gargantuan, ravenous hunger in front of other people who ate like birds. Newsflash: they’re just as hungry. These days, and for the past few years, I have been unapologetic with my hunger, and am vigilant about shunning those stupid beliefs, in honoring myself by eating. Even if it means I won’t have a body that looks like it’s starving anymore. I’ll take it.

What I’ve learned is that not eating is not a badge of honor, a medal of high achievement, a sign of discipline, self-control, and self-worth or goodness as a human. It’s doing yourself and your body a major disservice and to be frank, a sign of disrespect. For what? To fit in some tight dress that you won’t be able to breathe in anyways? Out of worry that you might be judged by other people who have zero impact on your life? Find happiness in other, more sustainable and loving ways (surely the more difficult path), by honoring your body, your hunger, and yourself. Life is a lot better.

In honoring our hunger in both ways, in actually letting ourselves be hungry before we eat, and actually eating when we feel hunger, our relationship with food evolves. We can begin to recognize the muck of our internal patterns and beliefs. After observing them, we can shift back to the present moment and discover other ways to deal with discomfort without food, moment by moment.

I’m also not shunning the times that we don’t eat out of physical hunger, because we just freaking feel like it, and that’s okay, too. The key is to not beat yourself up for it, to tell yourself that you’re a horrible lazy person because you ate a cookie when you were sad. What matters is the attitude that you approach your decision with. Food is not an issue of morality. There is only choice and consequence.

You might also think, “hold up, what if I literally can’t eat during times that I’m hungry? What if I’m in court or on the playground or doing things like making money to pay my bills? What if I can only have lunch at work at 11 am and I’m not hungry then? Do your best with your schedule and your resources and just be AWARE of what’s happening. Or learn to travel with some food just in case hunger strikes and you want to avoid bingeing later. I have been known to be pretty craycray and vigilant in this department, like carrying around proteins bars, almonds, meatballs (yes), or avocado (also yes), or candied ginger inside of my pocket during emergency moments.

Once we begin to have an internal and loving relationship with ourselves, we’re better equipped to handle eating as we sink into the beauty of what it’s like to live in-tune with yourself as opposed to punishment, fear, or hatred.

The easy version of honoring your hunger:

1. Let yourself actually get hungry for a little bit.
2. Pause and notice what it feels like for you; in your body, your mind, and your heart.
3. Rate it on a scale that feels right to you, so for example 1-10 or 1 -5.
4. Become aware of the physical and mental signals that you feel. Memorize how this feels. Take note of them.
5. Going forward, when you feel these sensations, act accordingly and let yourself eat with zero guilt and zero shame. Remember you are a human that needs food.
6. Honor yourself and your hunger. Not eating does not make you more worthy, disciplined, strong, or attractive.
7. If you eat when you aren’t hungry, that’s okay, too. But there is no meanness allowed. Food is not moral.