30 years old // 35 truths

I turned 30 this past September 10. I was in Mykonos, Greece with my parents and sister (my mom’s not in the above photo, obviously). I always thought I’d be some real and super adult-y person when I reached this number. But the truth is, I am still the same silly person in a body that’s now been on earth for 30 years.

I don’t have any regrets about my life because I trust it. I’ve had failures, mistakes, and LOTS of rumination about how things could have gone a different way, but I firmly believe everything, all of the pain, suffering, happiness, debauchery, FUN, drama, ecstacy, awe-inspiring and fortunate moments have all happened exactly the way they should have.

If someone had told me what’s listed below throughout my life, my heart and mind would have seen stiller waters. Here’s 35 (because it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go a little beyond) things I know to be absolutely true about life.

  1. Speak your truth. Your raw truth. All of it. All of the time. Be honest, because karma.
  2. Listen. Listen well and with intent, as if the person to whom you are listening to is giving you lotto numbers. Or something really important like the first reading of the declaration of independence. Don’t talk as much. Just listen. Be empathetic. Remember that insecurity is loud, confidence is silent.
  3. Write A LOT. I never, ever, thought I could write. I remember doing writing homework in third grade; it felt excruciating. But with practice and reading, I improved. Writing brings what you feel to life. And half the time, just seeing what’s inside of your brain can inspire you to take action or be like,” seriously?” to all of your fears because most of the time, they aren’t true.
  4. Read A LOT. I sleep, I eat, I breathe, I read. Read everything and as much as you can. Know your shit. Know how to spell. Reading makes you an educated, fancy person who knows what they’re talking about and an overall better writer.
  5. Share your story. Someone will be impacted or changed by it. Often, in sharing our story, we facilitate our own healing because we learn that we aren’t insane or alone at any time. This also means expressing yourself in your chosen medium.
  6. Travel. Far and wide. As much as you can. And if you are lucky, travel solo (ideally over 3 months). Yup, it takes major guts, but I PROMISE nothing will change your life or garner more strength and character as much as taking a solo trip in a place you’ve never been.
  7. Stop apologizing. Stop apologizing for needing the salesgirl to get you an extra size, for having food allergies, for having needs, for being human, for crying, for taking up space. You’re here. Own it.
  8. Two drinks, max. I used to hear this when I was party girl in my early twenties and be like BWAHAHA, yeeeeeah right. But now (even though I deliberately choose to not drink often at all) on the days that I have more than two drinks I wake up looking like a prostitute who had dia-de-los-muertos makeup on and suffer the dreaded two-day hangover, so this is my rule. On select occasions, I might have more than two but I know the consequences ie the next day in bed and the most disgusting food known to man. Also, drinking excessively is not attractive. Don’t drink to give yourself a different personality or to be more fun or to be more YOU. YOU, sober, are the best and most beautiful you.
  9. Your parents might have given you issues, but they’re also the reason you’re here. They did their best. How you handle the issues you were “given” is YOUR responsibility now. Carry on.
  10. Your mom is always right. Always. Don’t question that wise woman. When you’re a 14 year old brat, you might hate her in the moment, and curse the day she was born, but that won’t change how righteous she is. Listen, even when you don’t want to. SHE KNOWS.
  11. Your dad is softer than you think he is and most likely the person with the biggest heart of all.
  12. Work smart. With focus and intensity. Not necessarily HARD and into the ground. But, don’t kill yourself in the process and/or neglect other things that make you happy. Working for 100 hours a week doesn’t necessarily make you successful
  13. Money is energy; pay your own rent. I used to hate on money, but it’s important. Making plenty of it on your own, being independent, and paying your bills is empowering. Be cognizant with your finances. Save. Money is energy and flows freely when we live with positive intent. We act out our beliefs with money.
  14. When space opens up, it’s for a reason. Let it. We lose a relationship, client, friend, or whatever, and it’s freaking armageddon in our heads and hearts. Cry, get angry, do whatever, just know that something better is on its way and needs that empty energetic space to enter your life.
  15. Have faith. In something bigger than yourself. I’m not talking about religion necessarily, but we need to believe in something when things get hard. Trust Jesus, Mary, your mom, whoever. I trust the Universe, because the more I trust it, the more it gives me. Sometimes it smacks me in the face, but that’s part of the process, too. Our minds are small and are incapable of conceiving what the bigger picture is. If you need help with this, just go into nature. Look at the sunset. Look UP at the sky. No one can make this up; there’s something BIG out there.
  16. When you meet the one, you know. You just do. Alternatively, when you don’t, you also know. Don’t hide that from yourself. Buuutt…
  17. Don’t think every relationship is THE relationship. You don’t need to marry the person you’re with when you’re twelve. Not every relationship is forever and ever amen. Each person you encounter is part of your journey, there to teach you something vital to your existence.
  18. Learn new skills all the time. Especially languages. It’s easier to watch tv for hours every day, but you could be spending that valuable time learning cool stuff. Learn to play an instrument, how to code, learn to cook basic things and feed yourself. Most of these things can be done on the internet or with a library book for a whopping zero dollars. Practice them, get in your “10,000 hours”, become an expert if you can.
  19. Do the things you don’t want to do. Do them anyway. Like exercise, like paying your bills, like showering, like eating healthy. They pay off.
  20. Good things come from small, consistent efforts over time. Nothing drastic. Don’t rush or push. Things happen the way they should, naturally. This is also true in relationships. The relationships that start with fire and lust at warp speed usually end up fizzling into the gutter. Take your time, build a solid base of friendship and love, and actually get to know each other. Braise, don’t flash fry.
  21. Sweat every day. For peace. To get the gremlins out of your mind. To move. To fight inertia. There is no substitute for exercise. For me, exercise isn’t about doing something 5 days a week because I should. It’s vital to my existence. On the same note, being a hard exerciser doesn’t make you a more worthy person.
  22. Leave your comfort zone and don’t resist change. Growth happens through change. Leave your house. See people. Put yourself out there.
  23. Laugh. Seriously, laughing is my reason for living. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
  24. Friends change. Accept that. I used to think I had like seven thousand BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD. Truth is, you really will only have a FEW best friends and that’s okay. My bests are so good, the small quantity suffices.
  25. Accept yourself; It’s okay to like what you like. I used to spend a lot of time apologizing for liking grandma-ish things. Like cooking, knitting, pottery, reading, tea, and going to sleep early. All conventionally not cool or “boring” things. Alternatively, NOT liking the things I don’t like is okay, too. Like drinking, bars, crowds, etc. I used to say sorry for not wanting to participate in those things, but that is senseless. Accept yourself fully.
  26. Overindulging doesn’t work. When we feel uncomfortable, we turn to the things we believe will make us feel better and engage in them in excessively; which leaves us feeling WORSE. The overindulging is shiny and tempting, but the sham is false.
  27. Be happy first. This is probably the most important one. We are always on the search for happiness. Happiness through the body, through work, through a partner. When we obtain them, we get a dopamine hit of ecstacy for a little while like YAYYY, but then it diminishes because we’re STILL US. In our brain. The body is notorious for this. I was always on the search for “the perfect body” so I could be happy, and when I got it, I still wasn’t satisfied. I needed to be skinnier, fitter, better. But the thing was, there was nowhere to go. Be happy first, love yourself first, without condition. The other things will follow naturally. To think that happiness is some sort of place you will get to is life’s largest fallacy.
  28. Spirit matters more than body. Your energy matters. You are beautiful because of who you are, what you do, and how you make others feel. Not because of how you look. I’ve met beautiful people whose attractiveness falls away the second they open their mouth. Work on your insides. Once you have inner peace, everything else falls into place.
  29. Don’t think, act. We can think ourselves into a terrible, horrible black hole of chaos and worst case scenarios where you end up homeless and in a ditch. But NOTHING remedies anxiety like action. Write down what you’re anxious about, and then DO something about it. We only build our self-esteem and self-worth through ACTION.
  30. Fear is your friend. I always thought I’d end up in some place that I’d never be scared or lazy or full of fear before doing something. But that doesn’t exist. What I have learned is that fear is a valuable friend. If I’m fearful, and I feel it fully, but move through it and do the thing anyways, I am unstoppable. The things that are most worth doing are REALLY SCARY. Do them anyways. The greater the fear, the greater the payoff.
  31. Trust the timing of your life. Everything happens the way it should. Trust your life. Let go and don’t try to control it as HARD as that is. Synchrodestiny exists.
  32. The only way out is through. Feel your feelings fully. Scream into a pillow. Wallow around your house. Don’t get out of bed. Cry. And then lock it up, take a shower, and move on with gusto.
  33. Believe in & trust yourself. No one can believe in you like you. But sometimes we are the last person to believe in our worth. If you believed in yourself fully, and honored yourself and your feelings unapologetically, imagine what you would be capable of. Thoughts create energy and become actual things. Make them good. Also, trust yourself and your gut to make the right decisions. You know. Stay still enough to let the answer come to you. No one knows you like you do.
  34. You can do all of the hard things. Shit hitting the fan is often the best cue for realizing the depths of your strength. You can do WAY more than you think. You are better than you think. There is a reserve tank of inner wisdom gasoline inside of you, waiting to be pumped.
  35. Everything is preparing you. All of the horrible stuff, all of the job losses, all of the tears, all of the mean people, all of the veerings off your path. ALL OF IT is there to teach you a valuable lesson, to tap into that reserve. Life isn’t easy, but if you trust it, it will give you the self-esteem to get through it all.

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