During my miniscule existence on this earth, I’ve learned that when I proclaim love for anything, there is only one prerequisite: that it loves me back. It can mean a partner, a friend, a couch, an action, a book. Food. Especially food. Food you eat should love you back, hard.

Most people don’t know what food loves them back. {Unless it’s obvious like eating a jar of nutella, then you will know immediately that it DOESN’T}. Figuring out which foods feel good for your body can be dumbfounding. Because books can’t answer that question. Most doctors can’t, either. The entire internet can’t. Trust me, I’ve searched. It’s not some buried treasure Agatha Christie-style mystery. It doesn’t live in the clusterfudge of differing opinions of the media and nutritionists. No one can answer this question for you.

Except, of course, you. We resist asking and listening to ourselves, though. Maybe we don’t believe that we can trust our own bodies or our intuition because we don’t feel we hold the authority to do so. Most of us aren’t nutritionists or dieticians or scientists. Some of us have never taken a nutrition class and are unaware that the body uses food in a very specific, deliberate way and it’s not just something that should be shoved down our throats because it tastes good. I mean, what type of crazy person does THAT?

The body is more powerful than we think. And food has a bottomless impact on the body, duh, but equally on the mind. Before I realized this, I settled for a low state of “normal” energy. Add in the cherry of perpetual brain fog and I didn’t think there was a way that I could feel sharp all day long. I didn’t want to accept what some of my favorite foods were doing to my thinking and subsequently, life. Many of us are in this boat. Maybe we’re attached to a food that we know we should give up but our robust emotional attachment to it prevents us. God, do I know how deep that feels. So how do we get out when we feel we’re in the muck?

The effortless answer is to eat food that loves you back just as much as you love it. Simple, right? Ha.

Let’s be clear that I’m not talking one-sided love here. Like my love for brownies and ice cream and bread and pasta and bottomless bowls of cereal, because those foods don’t love me back. They inflict mini-assaults on my brain and body, make me feel dazed and exhausted, but alas, I still love them. I’m a human that has taste buds and feelings and my affection for them is a no-brainer. If it were up to me and I lived in fantasyland, this is what my diet would consist of.

Avocados, coconut butter, bacon, salmon, brussels sprouts, clarified butter, all of the greens, and blueberries and I share a mutual type of love. Those foods have major crushes on me. They make me feel satiated and normal and clear and focused and just as good and comfortable as before I began to eat them. They bring out the best in me. I’d marry those foods. I think they would too. I bet no one has ever asked a brussels sprout for its leaf in marriage.

There are foods that I know love me but I don’t have the same feeling towards them, and I have nothing against them. There is someone out there in the world for them that will love them right back. Things like radicchio, rosewater, cucumbers, raw tomatoes (I know), among others.

Love for food is also in how much of it we choose to eat. Eat food in nourishing quantities that will allow you to not hate yourself afterwards.  No matter how much we think piles and endless spoons of ice cream or diving into a jar of nutella is satisfying, it never is. Sometimes, it takes hundreds of lessons to learn this, and it’s still something I need to be aware of.

Love for food is in why we eat it. Eating when we are hungry is the lovable thing to do. When we don’t eat when we are hungry because we think we can override our bodies and subsequently override biology and science, that’s just conceited and mean and why are you reading this blog post? You belong in the CIA.

We can’t beat our hunger.

Do things that love you back. Like I said, this concept of participating in things that love us back isn’t just about food; it’s about life. Do activities and hobbies that fill your life with nourishment and fulfillment, not the things that society says you should be doing or that make you feel like garbage. That’s dumb and it takes away your individuality. Invest in friendships that love you back. Not one-sided, selfish friendships. I’m exhausted and bored just thinking about those friendships.

Love people that love you back. Whatever you do, don’t force love. Don’t try to scoundrel your way into something working when you know deep down it won’t. YOU KNOW. That’s cheap and not worth your time. Don’t try to fix people, don’t let them walk all over you, or hold some sort of fantasy in your head about how they’re supposed to act or who they’re supposed to be or things they’re supposed to accomplish.

Love the one that loves you back. If you don’t have it, wait for it. Finding the most simultaneously thoughtful, considerate, funny and sexy person will be well worth the wait. You will find it. And when you do, make them something like this: food that they will love, that will also love you, too.

Such as this teriyaki poached salmon. Poached salmon sounds elegant and like I’m having high tea or something, and I’m usually not a fan of it, but this one creates a syrupy sweet glaze made from 100% anti-inflammatory ingredients. It takes 5 minutes to prepare, which leaves you time to focus on other, more important things. Like the person you make it for. They’ll enjoy and appreciate it. I know because this is the first thing I cooked for my person.

The love ended up being mutual, on all fronts, as it always should be.

Teriyaki poached salmon

Inspired by The Paleo Mom

Ingredients

1 orange, zested and juiced

¼ cup coconut aminos (or tamari or if you tolerate gluten, soy sauce)

2 tablespoons fish sauce

1 tablespoon grated ginger

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 (2-pound) salmon filet

2 scallions, sliced

2 tablespoons cilantro, minced

Directions

In a large saucepan, place the salmon filet. In a small bowl, mix together the orange zest and juice, coconut aminos, fish sauce, ginger, and garlic. Pour this mixture over the salmon and marinate for 15 minutes.

Turn the heat up to high on the pan, and heat until the teriyaki mixture boils slightly. Turn the heat down to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the salmon is cooked through and opaque, about 12-15 minutes. Spoon the syrupy sauce over the salmon, top with the scallions and cilantro, and enjoy.